Somewhere I Belong
by I Caught Myself
Summary: Oneshot. Inspired by the song ‘Somewhere I Belong' by Linkin Park – Jak’s thoughts and feeling about the events of his life at the end of Jak 3


**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Jak and Daxter or the song 'Somewhere I Belong' by Linkin Park**

**Summary:**** inspired by the song 'Somewhere I belong' – Jak's thoughts and feeling about the events of his life at the end of Jak 3**

**My older sister keeps playing this song on repeat and then the plot bunnies attacked! Jak never really seems to express himself in the games, so I decided it was time he did let us all into his head! I never really write in first person – I find it harder but this just didn't seem right in third person.**

**Somewhere I Belong**

_When this began  
I had nothing to say _

I remembered the first time he had arrived in Haven City. I was just a kid – fifteen years old – and I wasn't able to speak. Daxter and Keira were my only friends, and the time rift had ripped her away from me. I didn't know where she was, and that frightened me. Daxter abandoned me when they came – the Krimzon Guard. Erol. I can't blame him – I would've done the same thing if I was given the chance.

_And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
I was confused  
And Id let it all out to find  
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind  
Inside of me  
When all the vacancy the words revealed  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
Nothing to lose  
Just stuck, hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own _

I was so scared and alone in the prison, with no-one to help me, no-one to keep me safe... no-one to love me. What Erol did to me... that wasn't love. That was something entirely different... that was cruel. The worst thing is – he made a game out of it. He made a game out of destroying my soul. I blamed myself for it all, because there was no-one else to blame. I had obviously done something to upset the Precursors, and they were punishing me for whatever it was.

_I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long  
Erase all the pain till its gone  
I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
Like I'm close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong _

The pain... I can still remember how it felt. I even have nightmares about it. I just want it to go away. Erol is dead now, why can't he leave me alone? Surely I've earned redemption from the wrongs I've done? I know I'm a monster and I've killed people, but do I really deserve this? It's like I'm living in a nightmare and I can't wake up, like someone is toying with me, just like Erol did. When I thought I had found somewhere I belonged, after I was banished to the desert it turns out I don't belong there either. My father – Damas – was the King of Spargus and then he died. They said I couldn't be King, even though it was my right by blood, because I hadn't grown up there. They made Sig the King instead, and left me in limbo between Haven City and Spargus. Where do I belong?__

And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
I was confused  
Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

There's no-one to pick up the pieces. I've got all of my friends – Daxter, Torn, Sig, Ashelin... Keira... but none of them understand. It's impossible for them to understand everything that has happened to me. I'm going through a rough patch with Keira. She thinks I've changed too much, she doesn't think I'm her Jak anymore, and she's right. _Her_ Jak never killed anyone in cold blood, he never looked at other girls and he wasn't a monster.

_So what am I  
What do I have but negativity  
Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me _

Even though it's all over and I've balanced out my dark side, everyone still regards me as a monster. They're all afraid of me still, and I can see it in their eyes – especially Keira's. Some of it is because of what happened between me and Ashelin, but the rest is blame. She blames me for what happened to Erol. I do feel guilty... in a way. If that Class One race had ended differently, this wouldn't have happened. If I had killed him myself, with my bare hands, none of this would've happened. I would know he was dead, by the blood splattered over me and the ground, his body at my feet, and I would've made sure the last thing he ever saw was my cold expression as I became judge, jury and executioner...

_Nothing to lose_

Except for myself. I'm losing myself in the Eco in my blood. Am I good, evil, or am I just Jak? I don't think I'm any of them, but a cruel mix of all three. I'm like a jigsaw puzzle – if you take one away I'll be broken and incomplete – in pieces. I need that light Eco in my blood, to stop my dark side taking over, but I need the dark side – it's comfortable and it feels so right. Without that bloodlust, I'll be some sort of other being, created from light and good and I won't be able to do anything wrong, but then I won't be human. I need to keep my humanity, so I suppose I do have something to lose after all.

_Nothing to gain, hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own _

I'm so alone... no-one understands me, or anything I'm going through. I can't talk to any of them about it, they'll want me to get help – they'll send me to a psychiatrist or something, but I'm NOT insane. I'm just not in control of myself. My life isn't my own anymore, it belongs to everyone else. If there's a problem that needs solving or some nasty monster on the way, I go and stop it whether I want to or not, because I'm the only one that can – and it's all I'm good for. I don't belong anywhere though, because I am a monster and people won't accept that. Sometimes I feel almost like a God – I'm only called upon in times of need, but I'm not a God. People love their Gods, as well as being afraid of them.

People are just afraid of me.

**Thanks for reading! Drop me a line and tell me what you think!**


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